Timeless Relationships!
Have you ever lost someone really close to your heart? I did, very recently. When I came to know about his departure, I was in shock.. I cried, I felt lost, I felt numb, I felt angry, I felt betrayed, I felt a void, I am still grieving. But, to end this seemingly endless spiral, last night, I resorted to my all-time-medicine MUSIC. I mustered the courage to sing a couple of lines for him. Finally after multiple attempts of not breaking down, ended up creating a 30-sec music tribute on Insta, with my most recent pics with him. The least I could do… as he just loved my singing.
I have a small circle of friends who love to hear me sing… and have subscribed to my WhatsApp Broadcast messages therefore. I hesitated at first to share this with them… It is not just my music… It is my emotions… It is too personal to me… Why should I announce to the world what happened in my life? What is in it for them? Why should they care?
But, then, I realized each one of us go through this phase of losing someone so valuable in our lives, invariably, at least a couple of times. The names and faces may be different, the amount and intensity of emotions could be different, but, we are all humans… it is the same underlying phenomenon therefore — Grief!
I hence decided to share my thoughts, pen them down to get them out of my chest! The message was getting so long that it was not fit to be a WhatsApp message anymore…. hence this sudden article on Medium, my safe writing space! 😊
Let me begin by saying this… I am going to miss him like crazy! But I am deeply grateful to have met him in the first place and to have had the pleasure of having him in my life, knowing him as the wonderful human being he is!
A few things that I have realized with this episode… sharing here… hoping they may be useful to someone when they go through such a phase!
- Grieve!
Grieve the loss!
The loss of their physical presence, grieve their absence, the point of no return where you cannot see them, touch them, smell them, feel them, hold them, hug them anymore, the missed opportunities where you could have been together much more, spoken much more, laughed much more, shared your life much more, things you could have done for them, things they wanted you to do but you could not before the time ran out, grieve everything! Don’t hesitate to cry! Someone special told me once that ‘grieving and crying for the departed ones is one strong form of showing how much love you have for them in your heart!’ It is sooooo true!
People may say ‘they don’t want you to cry or be sad, so cheer up’… ‘Sure! I will.. eventually! But first let me grieve… let me grieve to my heart’s content!’
2. Celebrate!
Celebrate the milestone!
The milestone called DEATH! Pay tribute to the departed ones.. in whatever shape or form… Eat, Pray, Love, Meditate, Heal, Write, Sing, Dance, Party, Donate, Draw, Create collage or reel or change your DP, Do whatever works for you… Express your feelings! However long it takes, how many ever iterations it takes… until you feel their departure is normalized and accepted in your life! This kinda helps stepping out of the grieving phase… that seems like an endless ocean at the moment!
Don’t question the milestone, their departure… you will never find an answer! Don’t look for reasons… you will never find one! Don’t look for closure.. you will never get one! Just be!
3. Cherish!
Cherish the memories!
The memories you have built together… the beautiful moments of your lives that you have shared with each other… The laughs, the smiles, the tears, the walks, the meals, the snacks, the coffees, the drinks, the adventures, the fights, the sorrows, the silences, the messages, the forwards, the jokes, the songs, the reels, the cribbings, the vulnerabilities, the gyan, the looks, the emails, the phone calls, the pictures, the videos, the friends, the work, the frustration, the questions, the answers, everything that you have shared with each other…
Cherish them, create a beautiful space in your heart for them, decorate them there, You don’t have to lock them away! Keep them open and safe in your heart! You can always turn inside and look at them whenever you want and feel good!
4. Live!
Live the lessons!
The lessons you learnt from them, from the relationship, from each other through all the ups and downs of being with each other in whatever capacity all this long. For there is no more scope to learn from each other… only live those learnt lessons.
Remember them… Revise them… Relish the most prominent ones that stand out for you.. Respect them… and live them… Re-live them… forever!
One of the many hundred lessons I would have learnt from him in all these years… the one that I try to follow and live by … and will try to live by forever is this —
Approach everything with GREAT PASSION & EQUAL DETACHMENT!
What a profound line!
As always… God sends me messages all the time, through his messengers, my Gurus. Thank you God and Guru mandala for always watching out for me… I know I am not easy… you got to work overtime to watch over me! 🙏 While I am in this state of mind, this morning, an article by Om Swamiji lands in my inbox, that summarily says
“After all, it is not what you have lost, but what you have left that counts.”
How timely! Thank you Swamiji!
Finally…
This is to YOU… My friend, philosopher, guide! Some relationships are timeless!!! Ours is a special one… not one by chance, but by choice! Very close to my heart! I feel privileged to have known you all these years. You have been a father figure all my life… guiding me through low and high tides equally… You have been and always will be the light of my life!!! I know you are shining upon me everyday from the heavens!!! And you are with me Forever… And ever… And ever… ❤️
